The Anime Doctor
by Panther X
Summary: The Doctor is in. Treating the ailments of Anime characters from all universes at her clinic at the universal crossroads. Another day, another set of wacky patients.


**Welcome to the clinic of the Anime Doctor (though she also treats patients specifically from manga). Doctor (that is what she will be called for now) is the family doctor for all characters of anime series that have ever been created. The clinic is located at the cross-time-cross-roads between all the alternate universes. Since I do not know about or know enough about the characters of all the series out there, please post info about your favorite series and its most appropriate characters (super basic example: a smoker or drug addict) in a review and I will try to include as many as I can. I know there are a lot of fragmented sentences. Word has already informed me. ;) So you know, there might be OOCness here and there. PLEASE don't forget to R&R. Thanx! Panther**

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The open/closed sign turned in the window. The clinic was now open for another eventful day. The day before had been a taxing one at that. Three life expectancy ultimatums, four cancer positive test returns and too many broken bones and bullet wounds to count. It had better not be another one of those days, but knowing how authors loved to put these people through so much, it probably would be. Sometimes it felt like all her patients were characters from a giant multi-universe Sims game. All being controlled by some sadist computer nerd with no better way to get his kicks except broken hearts and limbs. You know how people will stand wide-eyed and agape as something/someone comes throttling toward them? That is because said sadist turned off the "free will" option.

The doctor looked down at her chart. Who would it be today? Let's see: _Wammy House Group. _She had been following up on a few cases from them. Another "bad news breaker" today it seemed. _Kira Cult_. An odd bunch, if nothing else. It was time for their bi-yearly check-up today. _E. and A. Elric._ She had put young Edward through post trauma treatment after his operation and to help with the frightening things he had seen. Again, stupid sadist Sims player. There were more on the list but we will get to them later.

As the office filled up, the nurses took walk-ins as the doctor waited for her first appointment to arrive. She had called the head of the orphanage, Roger, informing him of the need for a few special individuals to come to the clinic today. As always, they were fashionably late.

Eventually, a very British looking car pulled up in front of the clinic. In stepped a tall man with disheveled raven locks and a perpetual slouch, a blond boy in leather, a redhead with a DS (at least this time he had the decency to but out his cigarette outside a 100 foot radius of the facility) and a white haired youth in pajamas.

At her beckoning, the four followed the doctor into one of the consultation rooms down the hall from the waiting area. After they were all comfortably seated, the raven-haired man spoke.

"What are the results of the tests doctor? Good news I hope. I cannot catch Kira if illness puts me in an impaired state."

"Of course Mr. L, but I'm afraid I have bad news. Would you like to hear your personal results separately or as a group?"

Mello piped up, "If Matt or I have bad news, we should hear it together." This received a vigorous nod from the redhead who by the look of his concentration was just moments away from the daring and difficult rescue of Princess Zelda.

"Alright, first off there is nothing wrong with Mr. L, he has a clean bill of health. But I'm afraid I cannot say the same for Mr. Keehl or Mr. Jeevas. You" she said, pointing to Mello, "were suffering from malnutrition and excess sugar in your blood stream which has lead to the development of type two diabetes."

At this, Mello stiffened like a board and squeezed his eyes shut. Knowing the blond for as long as she had, the doctor guessed he was worried less about his health than the prospect of having to give up his precious chocolate, which had gotten him into this mess in the first place.

"Mr. Jeevas, I hope I don't sound to unfeeling when I say that if you had listened to me in the first place, you would not find yourself in your current situation." Matt finally looked up from his game at these words. What was she always telling him again? Oh yeah. Quit Smoking. So… No… She couldn't mean…

"I'm so sorry, but you have developed lung and throat cancer." The DS fell to ground, filling the silent room with a deafening thud and clatter. Why? Why didn't he listen? Why?

"Shit! Why is everything so fing unfair damnit?" Mello screamed. "F Matt!" he cried, grabbing the other boy by the collar of his vest, "Why the hell didn't you fing quit when she fing told you to? SHIT!" He snapped around to face the doctor, "At least tell me there's something wrong with Near too?"

"Actually", the doctor exclaimed, turning to the pale youth, "I have some good news for Mr. River. Contrary to popular belief, you are not actually albino, you just need some more sun and more iron in your diet." At this, Near smiled and twirled his hair vigorously in what appeared to be relief mixed with delight. Unbeknown to the group, he was also looking forward to observing Mello's reaction to the news.

"ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!!! DAMNIT! WHY DOES EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? I'M ALWAYS SECOND AND NOW _I'M_ THE ONE WITH THE FING LIFE THREATENING DISEASE?!"

"Calm down Mello. At least you can just inject insulin and check your blood sugar. I have to go to…to…chemo…" Matt's voice died to almost a whisper at the mention of the treatment. They wouldn't let him near undisinfected people for who knows how long. They wouldn't let him have his games… if only he had listened.

"Well, come on boys, let's head home", L murmured, ushering a sobbing and hoarse Mello, a speechless Matt and a placid Near to the door. "Thank you for your time doctor. Roger will be in contact for treatment options, prescriptions and appointments."

Before he was out the door, Near turned back to face the doctor. "Excuse me but, if I'm only eighteen, why is my hair white?"

"Well Mr. River, it is just who you are. Be thankful that your hair isn't pink."

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****Thus ends the first appointment of the day. Next up: Light, Mikami, Takada and Misa. Then others. Again, please send in your favorite series and characters. I will decide their ailments but I will need some background information to do so. I already have Death Note, FMA, Gundam Seed Destiny and Naruto. Thanx again:)**


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